-heaRt-feLt emOtiOns Of a 5′10″ gLuttOn-

Hi guys,

Finally made a move to provide some updates but you’ll be disappointed if you are expecting a long winded story ;p.

I’ve spent considerable amount of time uploading and editing dozens of pics on Facebook (the irony) - so feel free to have a look at the following URL:

http://www.facebook.com/photos.php?id=803144045

I’ll try to write something next time. Until then, take care there! Cheers!

phiL

  I realised something quite remarkable today. I had re-formatted my external hard drive a couple of weeks ago as it was corrupted with gosh-knows-what (haven’t touched it for a while) and although the action didn’t seem significant at all at that time, I suddenly feel the affects now - my entire cyber / internet / online life / memory / history / collection is gone. Just like that. A simple click.

200GBs of 10 years of my cyber life gone. I have no backup copies for most of the files. Thousands of pictures, 4,000+ MP3 files, countless rare MTVs and movie snippets as well as my Diploma and Degree files. My final year project. My masterpiece. Kaputted.

Ahh.. and then those secretly and carefully hidden files of ex-girlfriends. My grand-dad still keeps pics of former flames. Must be a family thing. It’s not like I’m tied to the past - they were memories and parts of my life that shaped me to be who i am today.

Worst of all? All my creative creations are gone as well. Poems, Songs, Potraits, Drawings, Lyrics, Personal messages, diary, etc. Countless hours.

Of course i can always get a bit of help to retrieve all the data but on second thought - maybe not. It’s a new point, a new start and time to create new memories! The stuff that is gone will be embedded into ma mind.

Oh yea, the reason why i suddenly had this realization is because i was looking at all the old pics i had uploaded on Multiply, hi5 and MySpace among others. That’s my job, really. I’m now in the social media networking line and this is what i do! Training involves using and applying these sites! More to come on the new job soon.

Without strayin too far from the title of this post - i present to you - random pics of the past…. (whatever that is left!)

Quick update - will be back this Friday - loads to share and brag -

FOOL - That’s what I have been calling myself the past 20 minutes.

LUCKY FOOL - That’s what I have been saying to myself to console the very core of my being.

LET’S GET THIS RIGHT - I know I might not get another timely notice if I ever slack off again. I must take action. NOW.

——————————————————–

Do I sound like a psychopath with multiple personality disorder? If you felt so you are absolutely spot on. My evil, lazy, arrogant and boastful twin brother living in the inside of me almost caused me to potentially make the biggest mistake I could ever make at this point in my life.

I almost bought the new Honda Accord.

Thank you God for mothers. Mum thank you for making sure i didn’t succumb to my ego and pride. How could i forget my dreams and ultimate goal in life?

——————————————————–

I was laughed at and ridiculed when i shared my life plans. Guys my age just couldn’t grasp buying properties when they could use the bucks for entertainment, flashy cars and exotic holidays. Unit trusts or stocks were the only interested investments. (no disrespect; everyone has their own financial plans and goals - just citing a real example i encountered - these are actually my secondary investment paths)

And now here i am, almost burdening myself with a debt I should not even have considered. I admit i was boastful and i let pride come into the picture. I have been talking about buying properties for a couple of years now. Yes i failed at my first attempt on a condo in Damansara. I need to lauch my second attempt. Soon.

—————————————————

The first attempt was when i was in my first job as a fresh graduate. And everyone knows you don’t get paid much. 25 months on and i’m earning more than 4 times the basic salary (excluding commissions and shares that comes along) but i still have nothing to show except for a savings account which only provides the measly minimum interest rate.

I kept sharing about passive income, about getting assets and not liabilities such as cars and yet I did not act upon the former but almost on the latter! Talk about contradictions and irony!

The main reason I was so eager to get the new Accord (besides it being the best darn looking and beautiful model in the market under 300k) was because I felt I could afford it and needed it to reflect my personal status. I’m managing a regional team - how could be seen in my faithful but pretty much unpresentable Proton Wira? Yes, ladies and gentlemen, a PROTON. (again no disrespect, but when the auto windows "kahput" after only 3 months you have to place some serious question marks on the quality) I imagine the cringes when i meet millionaire CEOs and driving them around in my ‘ol faithful and asking them to lock the doors manually. 

—————————————————

I will be embarking on a new journey in my career very soon (more to come on this - watch out for this space) and i will really be a fool if i do not use the financial blessings God has provided. Akin to the tale of 10 talents. I want to multiply what i earn.

The wake up call? A good old friend whom i had always admired as a leader and person - same age, almost same educational background - already has 3 properties with the 4th in his sights. What am i doing? Where is my zest, enthusiasm and self belief when i started out? Am i too comfortable with my current life? Do i intend to make the same choices i vowed never to make? I prayed for the opportunities. I prayed for the finances. I got them both, now i need to act - i need to stop looking at today, and focus on tomorrow.

Wake up Phileo! Why pay others when others can pay you?! Focus! Focus on the goal! Now go!

Dear You The Reader,

Many thanks for dropping by this blog despite its recent track record of only 2 updates in a year. Unbelievable. Something needs to be done. This short simple update message is a good start, no?

I’ll be in Bangkok the whole of next week for some technical training and meetings and hopefully with some extra time to update with a nice post

I might end up writing another entry on the plane - better than nothing i guess!

Have a blast in this wonderful month of April!

-phiL-

-9.40pm-

That’s it! One final touch, one more review and I can call it a day. No more emails. Please. I need to click the dreaded send/receive button. Just one more time. Dang! It’s downloading something. A singe email. Thank you God. And it’s not from the boss. Christmas came early.

-9.42pm-

A bugger from Peru requesting for a free demo. Blip it. My eyes can’t take it no more. Head’s whirling like a sandstorm in a library. I smell like Gilbert Grape. Sleep or hygiene? No contest. Hands down. I need the break.

-10.15pm-

Awoke from the empty slumber. Lying horizontally, face down with the laptop right in front. A fine tune echoing. "Shattered". One of the rare good memories i have. Well i was in the band. I co-wrote the lyrics. Making it the message tone was the best decision i made since deciding to wear underwear to school when i was 7. It was from Jo-Yee. I’m on a roll. Smiling is inevitable.

-10.17pm-

Called her. Just got back from giving tuition to a hormone filled kid who calls her ‘yo man’. Am i dreaming? I can hardly open the eyes. The lights are still on. Couldn’t even bother to move to switch it off. I drifted back to sleep. At least I think I was falling asleep.

-11.20pm-

A long lost friend said hi. I’m pretty darn sure this is a dream. I haven’t seen him for years. In a flash i’m on a bike, riding towards the sunset… spiders with eerie hairy legs start crawling up my back!

-11.22pm-

I jump straight up. Eyes wide open. I might have let a tiny shriek slip through my lips. It was a dream. A weird one. The odd pant. A tingling feeling could be felt on my back. The dream seemed so real. Even now when i’m awake. Only i realised something was really crawling up my back!

-11.23pm-

I shuddered. I froze. I tried to think. I tried not to panic. Calm down! Not too sure what was trying to make its way up my back. But it was moving up. And pretty fast. And it was HUGE! Cold sweat started streaming along my sideburns. Blip it! Blip it! I’m not gonna be sitting still!

-11.24:12:24 pm-

"AARRGGHGHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh" - i probably made whoever the person is in the Guinness World of Records for the distinction of removing a t-shirt in the fastest time look like a hippie on a high trying to open a lock. It seemed i had a hidden talent. I was a natural stripper. An express stripper.

-11.24:12:27 pm-

Holding just the end of the t-shirt i smacked it as hard as i could on the bed. Bed? No good. Switched over to the floor. Take that slimy crawlie. That’ll teach ya for messing with me. I was tempted to do the ‘worm’ move on it. Sense stopped me in time.

-11.25pm-

Satisfied the creature was dead, flattened and squished like a "roti banjir", i sat down trying to grasp a breath. I’m curious. What in the scientology world of Tom Cruise was that? A spider? A dream come true? Why can’t my other dreams of having a phillion bucks come true?

-11.27pm-

I mustered enough of my remaining manhood ( i was shrieking like a 13 year old girl earlier FYI) and tried to see what was this all about. Amazing. I couldn’t believe it……

Sawadee-krap, Sabuideemai-krap?

Greetings & welcome back.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

It’s been awhile, hasn’t it? I know I have not done any justice to this poor blog, which goes to show how much of a blogger I am. I’m lazy. Period. Oh, and a procrastinator. Period.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

I’ve lost count on the number of times I’ve actually started writing an entry, made drafts and stopped without finishing them. Somehow they never developed into a post despite strong intentions. I’m actually disciplining myself this time. (one of my many resolutions this year) I’m gonna get this post up - it helps when I’m stuck on a plane with nothing to do. You might not read this if the plane doesn’t land in one piece but now that you are; sit back, relax, grab a drink and feast your eyes on a gigantic serving of crap!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

I’m currently on my way back from a business trip in Bangkok and for those not in the know I’ve taken on a regional role for my company. I’m really enjoying myself and I feel really really blessed looking back at 2007. Nothing is perfect though – there were some extremely dark spots last year but I guess it depends on the perspective of how things are looked at. And I’m a + dude. Oh yeah. The glass is ALWAYS full.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

I actually promised to blog on my current job exactly 1 year ago. Better late than never granpa would always say. It’s a really interesting job. (it has to be for me to be attached for over a year!) Some of you would already know – I work from home! Let me try to laydown the details – last year’s structure when I started:

My Canadian big boss runs the administration office in Hong Kong.

My German semi-big boss runs the development office in Bangkok.

My Singaporean tailo boss runs the regional office in Singapore.

My English Marketing boss operates from Sarawak.

My Welsh senior runs the creative team from Thailand.

My Scottish senior runs the sales team also from Bangkok.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

I write their nationalities out but to be honest they all look pretty same to me lolz. Just like all Chinese is to them I guess. And I am in Malaysia. There is no way I was going to commute to any of those places to work! Thank God for technology. My boss practically runs the business online and all I need is a laptop, internet connection and I’m good to go!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

It’s funny and I’ve been meaning to share this – when I started I had to make a lot of cold calls and answer general enquiries by various prospects and clients. I would be talking to CEOs, Managing Directors of other Multi National Companies in my boxers! Usually I have yet to even brush my teeth. Ha ha. It’s good smell cannot be transferred over the internet, or I would’ve been looking for a new job!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

I actually started the job with another guy from Malaysia and we had the country split in half. Things didn’t go too well for him and I took over. My first ever promotion. Ahh the feeling was good. The amazing thing with this company is that every time I had a serious offer from another organization and I had thought about moving on my big boss (I like to call him that) would actually give me a promotion and a salary raise! I’ve had 4 promotions now, the latest one at the beginning of the year just as I had another offer from an old colleague. He seems to have planted a chip in my brain or something. Like I’ve said I’ve been lucky – the timing and opportunities just keep coming and I worked hard like never before and got the recognition.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

This year I actually have people under my command (I know it’s cocky but I like the fact I can give orders now muahaha). Sub-ordinates of my own. Ahhh. Of course I can’t get them to fix me a cup of coffee as they are scattered all over the region. The company is big in every sense except for the workforce. As mentioned we rely on the internet and therefore just a manager in every country is sufficient to handle the accounts. The big expansion plan though is to have the regional office setup in Malaysia by Q2-Q3 this year. Finally I have an office to go to! And my own room I think with a personal secretary to boot. (if the boss keeps his word) ^__^ gonna have about a dozen people working here and more nationalities! Mainland Chinese, Japanese, Burmese, Mainland Indians and even a Canadian in-turn. I have no idea how I will communicate with them if they do not know English. O_o.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Interviewer. Gonna be adding this to my CV. My big boss is kind enough to allow the addition of 2 more people into my team to ease me workload and I get to interview them! I’m nervous. I seriously need help with Chinese clients. My Mandarin rocks as much as Eltom John at a rock concert and I can’t even write my name in Chinese. I’ll be needing lessons but the new guy will definitely be a welcome.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

I’ve been asked a lot on my income. All I can say is I’m blessed. I’m paid in USD so you can imagine I will be the only Malaysian who will not be too happy whenever Rinngit improves against the USD. Why can’t the rate go back to 3.7 like before? ;p I’ve been asked a lot why I do not change my car. All I can say is I’m learning to be an investor and buying a car is not an investment. It’s a liability. It’s a necessity yes I agree. If my old faithful wira can get me from point A to point B I’m happy. So what if a kancil can outrun me? LoLz. I sound like an uncle, don’t I? (for the record I’m still using my 2003 Nokia 7210 – gives you an indication of the scrooge-ness in me)

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Things are going according to my plans and dreams. Thank you God. At this rate I can prove to my grandma that I can indeed retire before 35. This is not as bad as it sounds but I do not wanna be like my parents – career and work-wise. I do not want to work 9-5 until I’m 55. I wanna be there for my family, especially when my kids are growing up. (YeeYi please jot this down on your life planner! Ha ha :p) I wanna be able to be free of commitments then. I’m fully chained to them now. I have to be on standby 24/7 for clients. I work everyday; Sundays, public holidays and in my job description there is no “after working hours”. I work until 3ams, 4ams till the work that needs to be done is done. I’m not a workaholic. I hate working. I’m lazy, remember? But when I think of the future I can have – I just put my head down and work. I hope to reap what I sow now. It’s cliché but it’s also golden.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

It’s not easy at all doing what I do, what I need to do and what I am expected to do. The thing that pisses me off the most is people remarking that my job is easy when they find out I work from home. I wish they could be in my seat for a day. A peak day. Yes I agree I have the luxury of waking up at 9am and not having to get stuck in traffic jams. But I work most of the time until 4am. I do not get regular holidays. Imagine – being in a regional role – it’s a public holiday in Malaysia but it’s not for the other countries! When it’s a holiday in Singapore the same applies. Only worldwide and popular events like Jan 1 or Dec 25 do I get to not switch on the laptop. But I’m not complaining. Just don’t say it’s easy. I’m piling on the weight because I eat when I’m stressed. Compare me now from a year ago and you can probably grasp what I mean. Of course I’m also lazy. Ha ha – I’m now a hard-working lazy bum. I work hard now to be lazy later. What a great life-goal eh?

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

*The mystery behind my goatee –

One of the most asked and talked about topic that I get from you guys and everyone else I come in contact with. “Why the goat hair?”, “Look like uncle leh” Bingo. It’s under my chin simply because it adds a few more years in age to my appearance. 300 year old bosses and taukehs of the business world usually don’t even bother talking to brats like me. I try to look older to gain a bit more ground. You should see some of their looks, especially the Caucasians when I tell them my age after being asked. My big boss simply defends me by saying if I’m good enough, I’m old enough. I’ll eternally be grateful to his openness and confidence in me despite my age. (oh, another point is Yee Yi thinks it looks good on me – case closed ^_^)

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

I have to admit I do not have enough experience to be in my current position. I struggle at times – most of the time. I try to pickup bits and pieces and absorb as much as I can as quickly as I can along the way. I step up and make myself counted. I used to run away and avoid challenges and difficulties. Not anymore. Here I come head on. BANG! I have to grow up business wise and mature the way it has always been since ancient times: being thrown in at the deep end. And I wouldn’t have it any other way…

Little Sebastian is only 5. He’s surrounded with friends he recently met at kindergarten, his wonderful family who provides everything he ever needed and loving love by all those around him.

Every new thing was a sight to behold, and boy were there many of them. There was only 1 universal gender as far as he was concerned. He could be the thief yet cook masak masak with his female friend, who happens to be the police. His smile is so pure and genuine from his joyful heart that even his eyes sparkled.

-

At the age of 10, Sebastian starts to enjoy the world with new-found freedom & enthusiasm. Enjoying the outdoors with a bigger circle of friends and the attention and care of a proud, excited & expectful family. Fun was everywhere, in everything.

Girls in his eyes then were sworn enemies of the brotherhood meant to be disturbed. "They need to scream every 10 minutes to stay alive. But they are not screaming. Hmm.. ahh a worm, let me help them…" were his usual thoughts. Carefree in many ways as he was in his younger years, his smile now reaches from ear to ear with his slight yellowish teeth in full display. And the odd cheeky grin every now and then.

-

It wasn’t long before Sebastian realised those black strings growing on his body all this while were actually hair. And he was normal and not going to die from a monkey infected disease. Now 14 going on to 15, Sebastian suddenly felt a different kind of feeling when looking at the opposite gender. His interest & curiosity grew as well as his …**  and he thought hard and long …** in private he …** 

** (trying to achieve U status so hence the censors - imagination will be required ^^ - dirty lot!)

He’s smiling. Oh yes, with a sly grin. And a blush. The world  turned rosier. Pocket money and freedom in exhange for good grades. Nothing to worry about besides studying,  except maybe his hair style. And how to get nearer to those nice looking individuals in skirts… hmm.. hmm..

-

Time does fly, and he’s just completed his teenage years. His birthday was a blast- surprise parties & gifts and friends everywhere. Text messages, Multimedia messages, emails, calls, cards, etc, it was almost overwhelming. Down to the clubs for more fun. Booze and birds, this was life being enjoyed to its fullest. Sebastian was the centre of it all. He loved the attention, to feel belonged.

So what if he had a few broken hearts to show? Who doesn’t? He once gave his heart and all in the name of love only to be toyed and hurt. He has a trophy beside him now & with good grades, he was the envy of his buddies. His smile isn’t as wide as before, but it was firm, filled with self confidence & pride.

-

Aged 30 with a stressed-caused pre-mature receding hairline, Sebastian knew this was an important stage in his life he needed to focus on. He needs to impress to move up the corporate ladder. Lick some shoes if he has to. Expenses are rising. A wife and a kid, with a second one coming along and due in 4 months, he knows he will even have to lick rear ends if that is what it takes to earn more money.

Ahh, if only he kept his libido in check 5 years ago. Blame the oysters and champagne. Friends are as common as dinosaurs. Maybe the odd call from one of them once in a blue moon - usually to seek help, ask something or to sell something. A weak smile is all he has to offer, putting up a brave front to anyone who bothers to look.

-

Though in debt, having an affair with a junior trainee and getting high from whatever he can get his hands on to smoke and drink, Sebastian thinks he has finally made it at the age of 45. He’s no longer speaking with his wife and parents, his kids only see him once a month and he treats those wealth lickers, just like he was many years ago, as friends.

He buys a car he cannot afford, and lives a lifestyle that will see his legacy ruined. He’s come to the conclusion he only loves himself, he is God and everything is just about him and only him. The big smile is back, but behind it a hollow and gloomy shadow grows.

-

Sebastian wipes a tear off his wrinkled face as he lowers the picture in his hand. His children will not let him see his grandchildren. This digital printout is all that he has left of his family. He’s stuck in a home, alone. His daughter-in law secretly visits every now and then, most recently last month during his 74th birthday. His mistresses have all long gone with whatever that was left of his small fortune. He smiles. A pure and genuine smile from his heart similar to the one many years ago when he was just a little child. He looks back on his long & eventful life. It’s too late.

-A pure fiction created to remind myself of the important things in life. - phiL -

"… And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years .. "  - Abraham Lincoln -

A quick update:

I just got promoted again! Will be travelling down to Singapore for a couple of days every month for business meetings as well as to Brunei if the need arises. All u people down south! Let’s meet up!

Win Land

Kian Teck

Chin Yee

Sarah

Bryan

Siew Jin

Edward

Anyone else? Apologies if my 20kb hdd brain missed out on anyone. Please give me a shout! Take me around! Bring me to the best food so i can continue expanding my waistline! Ecstatically excited! It’s been years since i last visited S’pore. Catch you guys soon!

-phiL-

Am I the only one in this whole wide world who actually noticed that the younger generation of males are getting softer?

Seriously, it kinda applies to all those who received the breath of life after me (it’s biased but it’s my post on my blog! muahaha). *sigh* I’ll be more diplomatic - let’s focus on the millennium generation a.k.a. the Y2K generation.

This whole observation thingy on the masculinity level of this younger generation really came to light recently during the launch of the much hyped-about Transformers movie. Many young boys i know have never heard of the great Optimus Prime. THE GREAT OPTIMUS PRIME.

When i tried to explain about THE MAN, like his ability to transform etc, among the questions thrown back at me include:

"You said he can transform, you mean like Sailormoon?"

"Can Obimus Lime shoot electric like Pikachu?"

"Transform into a trailer? What is that? A car ar? Pink colour wan ar?"

and the best:

"If fight with Shrek who win, goh goh? Sure Shrek right? I think the donkey also can win, the wife so geng, dragon oh, fire burn burn…"

——————————————————————

Gone are the days when G.I.Joe, Baja Hitam (or Black Fertilizer as my old friend Chris would translate it), He-Man and of course Transformers were shown regularly on TV. Nowadays most cartoons and kid shows are ‘Unisex’ to cater to both genders which ultimately equals to higher ratings and profits.

It’s no one’s fault i guess. That’s how the world is turning. Let’s not even go further back to our parents’ time. My dad hunted, caught, bred and dueled with live spiders. I shriek and squish them flat when I see one. Ha ha… how times have changed. My dad never used anything else but soap to wash his face. I know of a junior who gets manicures and pedicures & his eyebrows trimmed. ‘Nuff said.

On a positive note I hope this will create a new generation of gentlemen. Guys and men who understands and respects women on equal terms. Chivalry will no longer be said to be on the brink of being extinct. No more rape cases, advantage taking and sexist harrassments. Ahh… good eh?

No offence to anyone, with all due respect. It’s just a random thought and opinion. With the rate things are going, I’m looking forward to getting a brazillian wax with my son while slurping down a strawberry yogurt smoothie with tiny little umbrellas and all with a pinkish flowery straw.

-phiL-